The large white space with the little blinking line on the top is very intimidating to me as I search for the best words to write tonight. I do have a confession for you--my writing contains many confessions, some more consciously made than others. If you are a good friend, you probably already know this:
I am a perfectionist.
That does not mean (obviously) that I am perfect. The problem often lies in my standard making and my response when I miss the mark. Sometimes I trace others' lines to follow, and sometimes I draw my own. Sometimes I think they will motivate me to excel, but they often leave me feeling paralyzed with a dense fog of guilt and self-condemnation surrounding me.
Listing the virtues of the ideal, preparing a dress too small for me to squeeze into, delineating a self airbrushed beyond recognition--these are counterfeit saviors, anchors set on shifting sand. Left to myself, I would be my own destruction.
Last Winter I started a study of 1-3 John with some friends. During that week, one verse struck me very deeply:
...And if anyone sins, we have an Advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous; and He Himself is the propitiation for our sins; and not for ours only, but also for those of the whole world. (1 John 2:1-2)
The truth that Jesus is my propitiation was a life giving truth for me. I kept repeating it over and over in my mind, turning it over in my mouth and drinking it down like cool waters for my parched soul. Because Jesus is my propitiation, I do not have to beat myself up and stand slouched over with guilt. He was the one who was beaten up on my behalf. And the Father took my sin and its penalty far more seriously than I ever have. Even if I tried to go to extreme measures, starving myself or cutting my body in an effort to make up for my failure, that would never amount to the cost demanded. It would all amount to pennies in a piggy bank the size of a sea. But the Father understood the full penalty of sin, and Christ willingly bore it.
This old gospel refrain is what my heart needs on a regular basis. May we walk more fully in the light of Christ our propitiation and advocate.
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