The number of blog posts written to singles is overwhelming right now. I used to read them as they popped up in my social media streams, but after awhile I began to grow tired of them. Although I'm sure they were well-intentioned and able to encourage some, they began to feel like the same song on repeat. Some seemed to heap guilt on singles, urging them to take action. Others retaliated against the idea that maturity only comes through marriage. And some stood on the sidelines calling for a contentment that will finally silence all of the worry and anxious toil.
I do think we can gain wisdom from these blogs. I do think we can find truths there that we still need to grow into. But I want to take a slightly different approach and share two of the most encouraging words I have encountered as a single person. This post may be a bit more personal, but I am sharing some of the words that have stilled my heart in paralyzing anxiety and fear of the unknown. I hope it can bring you some Christ-centered sanity in seasons that feel like chaos.
1. The point of dating is to gain clarity.
I got this one from John Piper. His words gave me a sense of freedom, because suddenly I could see how dating is meant to be simultaneously serious and transient. You start a relationship with a certain amount of uncertainty, but its success only depends on whether you discover if marriage is God's plan (or not) for you. With these lines in place, a break-up (something we all fear) is not a sign that the relationship was a failure. It may still be heart-breaking to end a relationship, but if the end result was realizing marriage is not a good fit for the two of you, the relationship was still successful.
2. God will give you the life circumstance that most glorifies Him.
One night during a small group meeting, we were all discussing how we can understand the gospel better. "I know one way," one young mother spoke up. "Get married and have children. God will teach you a lot about Himself through that." For reasons entirely out of her control, my heart sank. I felt robbed of something I emotionally desired along with the thought that I was also missing out on a deeper knowledge of God. In the midst of these troubling thoughts, the Spirit reminded me that God gives me everything I need to glorify Him. He provides all of the temporary circumstancial elements needed. And He alone knows what those are. One day it may be marriage. But right now it is singleness, because that is what He has given me.
I don't know who you are or what season you are facing in life. I hope you find some courage here to take the risks of dating, or trust God with patterns of diligence despite a lack of prospects, or to consider how you can glorify God with whatever tools He has placed in your hands. We can know that He will care for us as a good Father through it all.
