Come and hear, all who fear God,

And I will tell of what He has done for my soul...

But certainly God has heard;

He has given heed to the voice of my prayer.

Blessed be God,

Who has not turned away my prayer

Nor His lovingkindness from me.

Psalm 66:16, 21-22

This life is one of waiting, standing in the tension of the already-but-not-yet, but there are moments when God releases us from some forms of the waiting. For two years I have been waiting for God to give me some direction and give me some tangible target to pursue. I have not reached the target, but God has graciously given me a sphere to shoot at to start moving in the right direction. If you know me you know that I am painfully slow at making decisions, seeking to glimpse every possible angle and then some before I consider dipping my toe in the shallow end. But despite so much "new" being thrown in my direction the past few months, God has given me incredible clarity with my "yes"s and "no"s. Along with this has come a confidence of God's presence in the process--without that reassurance I would probably despair of any progress at all. 

I am thankful for these seasons where it becomes undeniable that His promises are true and His loving care and sovereignty are present. Clearly He loves me. Clearly He has heard my prayers. Clearly He loves me as the good Father and Shepherd that He is. I think these are seasons when God calls us to worship Him, write them down to remember them, and share them with others so that they may be encouraged. 

So much of life is full of fog. But Jesus is alive, my friend. And He has ears that hear and a hand full of power to tenderly and meticulously guide you along the path He's paved for you. You are not a forgotten sheep. He does not tell you to wait in vain. 

Being Led by the Shepherd

The Lord is my shepherd to feed, guide, and shield me,

I shall not want.

Your rod to protect and Your staff to guide, they comfort me.

Ever since graduation, I have convinced myself that because God's will is for my sanctification, and because that so often translates into suffering and dying to self, I must prepare myself for a career in something I don't like. It has been a battle to resist running to what is available and seen as least risky. And those options have a kind of holy sheen to them--after all, we want to be faithful servants, and being one does not always look romantic. But somewhere in the midst of this sorting through the will of God I have found myself believing that God intends to serve me a banquet of crumbs. He tells me it is good for me, so I subject myself to scooping up the dry morsels.

I believe I have missed something in this. Sometimes He tells us to drink a bitter cup, to walk through the valley of the shadow of death, but there must be some good in the wanting and gifting He's placed in me. If the talents He's given to me are really from Him, then I must seek out where and how to use them. Some of the gifts He's given to me have been expressed here and there, but I'm coming under the impression that He wants me to be more generous with them. I have fearfully held them and kept them mostly to myself, self-protecting myself from any failures by only letting them air out when the stakes are low. But I have begun to sense Him prompting me out of this place that feels undangerous and a little less insane. This movement feels a lot more like faith than a naive God-is-my-genie kind of movement. It feels more like holding the hand of my Father so I can be who He has made me to be.

 I do not trust myself in this, and like everyone else, I do not know what I am doing. My story is not so different from every other Christian's story. I do not have anything new to say--I can only say everything that's been said before, because there is much that has been said that we need to hear again and again. Some is new to us. Some are made new by old words. I will gladly join the choir of the ages, singing the same old hymn being sung with millions of tongues in a million ways, centered around the One who we will never tire talking about. Those are the words worth speaking.