O LORD,
No day of my life has passed that has not proved me guilty in thy sight.
Prayers have been uttered from a prayerless heart;
Praise has been often praiseless sound;
My best services are filthy rags.
Blessed Jesus, let me find a covert in thy appeasing wounds.
Though my sins rise to heaven thy merits soar above them;
Though unrighteousness weighs me down to hell,
thy righteousness exalts me to thy throne.
All things in me call for my rejection,
All things in thee plead my acceptance.
I appeal from the throne of perfect justice
to thy throne of boundless grace.
Grant me to hear thy voice assuring me:
that by thy stripes I am healed,
that thou wast bruised for my iniquities,
that thou hast been made sin for me
that I might be righteous in thee,
that my grievous sins, my manifold sins,
are all forgiven,
buried in the ocean of thy concealing blood.
I am guilty, but pardoned, lost, but saved,
wandering, but found,
sinning, but cleansed.
Give me perpetual broken-heartedness,
Keep me always clinging to thy cross,
Flood me every moment with descending grace,
Open to me the springs of divine knowledge,
sparkling like crystal,
flowing clear and unsullied
through my wilderness of life.
-Valley of Vision
For my own part, I have never ceased to rejoice that God has appointed me to such an office. People talk of the sacrifice I have made in spending so much of my life in Africa. . . . Is that a sacrifice which brings its own blest reward in healthful activity, the consciousness of doing good, peace of mind, and a bright hope of a glorious destiny hereafter? Away with the word in such a view, and with such a thought! It is emphatically no sacrifice. Say rather it is a privilege. Anxiety, sickness, suffering, or danger, now and then, with a foregoing of the common conveniences and charities of this life, may make us pause, and cause the spirit to waver, and the soul to sink; but let this only be for a moment. All these are nothing when compared with the glory which shall be revealed in and for us. I never made a sacrifice.
-David Livingstone
Love for your church, like love for your spouse (or future spouse) is something that often slowly moves from a self-focused infatuation to a deep-seated sacrificial love for the other with the passing of time. A sophisticated, self-giving love does not come sweep you off your feet. It is not something you can "fall" into. Real love comes out of a soil that's been tilled through, cleaned of its stones and rampant weeds. Real love comes out of hearts of stone becoming hearts of flesh.
Recently a friend told me about some men in his life who, even with their apparent depth of character and spiritual maturity that he admired, admitted they did not really love the women they chose to marry until some time after their wedding. There had to be a humbling, a repenting, a Spirit-empowered shaping for a true love to spring between them. Within the covenant relationship between them, by God's grace, restoration of God's design was able to form.
In the same way, I have seen the transitions from "love" to love to love taking place in my church. I have seen this process happening in myself. Initially, there is the excitement as you discover you have found the church of your dreams. You feel moved by the sermons, you are thrilled by the music, you find others there who seem to "get" you. And so you keep going, you keep feeling the high every Sunday, until the rhythm of it all becomes another familiar part of the week. And then you begin to notice things--there are things missing, things lacking, things that are wrong. The question lurks in your mind--did I pick the right church? Is this where God wants me?
But then, God is gracious, and He teaches you to love, and He shows you He's brought you here not just for your growth but for the growth of others--and in that serving, you also find your growth. Where love was a close-fisted bud, it opens and unleashes a perfume. Your love becomes more profound, your love begins to look more like the God who is Love. It moves from the transient rush of the moment into something solid and costly. But in this incarnation you find joy. A new warmth fills you as your hands, feet, schedule, and bank account are carved into and divided among others. You find a new satisfaction from the increasingly gradual shift from "mine" to "His" and "yours". You abide in the Love of God, you are matured in His love for you, and you are changed.
And this I pray, that your love may abound still more and more...-Philippians 1:9
