The Meaning of Things

It is a common mistake to demonize the idols we've chiseled out of good things. It is an easy solution to turn to when the axe falls, and we find our lover has exchanged our kisses for a killing, a stealing, and a destroying of our lives. But it is not always the fault of the object of our affections--sometimes we are the ones that dress it up in coats more than double its size, and become crushed when it won't play the part we've designated for it. When it does not fulfill that role, we are ready to throw it out, proclaiming to everyone the evils and inadequacies of the fallen one. Sometimes we go so far as to gather rallies, movements, crowds of people to join us in not only removing the halos from our darlings, but sending them on into exile. Our fingers are pointed at our former objects of desire, but really our disgust is only there because we are the ones who gave them a position they never had. We are the ones who confused their job titles but hired them on the spot anyway.

I see myself doing this time and time again in a multitude of ways, but recently I have seen this in my own view of marriage. Being a wife is something I am tempted to scorn or write off when I realize that men are just as desperate for grace as I am. Saying "I do" is scrubbed of its gloss when I watch a mother change another dirty diaper and try "one more time" to silence a night-owl-baby with another feeding. The nearer I get to single men and the closer I get to married couples, the more I realize that my category, my definition for "love" and "husband" and "wife" do not match up. I have tried to drag other definitions in their place, tried to write under them words like "security", "hope", "refuge", "peace", "worth". I have tried to write my own dictionary, but the Author consistently, graciously, shows me He's got a book of His own. When my hand reacts by grappling for the white-out, He grabs my hand and shows me He is the Word I was looking for all along. The other words follow later in the book, and they are far more robust and well rounded than I could ever make out in my daydreaming. I had, in my disconnected idealism, missed their meaning in this world. When they are set in the context of the Story of the Gospel, every crack that turned me away before shines. Suddenly, with the Word in His rightful place, everything is illuminated with Glory.

I've reached a season of limbo, and my vision is all near-sighted. To be suspended between "this" and "that" and "this other thing" is a hard place to be. To step into the water no more than ankle deep has its own restlessness. I ache to plummet the depths of this body of water, but I don't think that the water will give way beneath me. I think it requires a digging. I think it requires some sweat and toil.

I used to think of myself as a patient person, but now I can see that I do not have the patience of Jesus Christ. I still fall short, no matter how much longer my calm remains in comparison with others. There are things that I desire, but in His silence He says to wait for His reply. To wait for His answer. It feels although I am halfway through doing the splits, and my coach will only tell me to keep holding my feet in place, straddled between two spheres. My thighs tingle and ache, and I am tempted to relieve the tension by shifting my weight. I am tempted to be like Sarai, taking things into my own hands. I am tempted to orchestrate the resolve, the grand finale, the moment when the breath is released from trembling lungs. Surely then, all will be well, all will be right...
But no. I am in need of Kingdom vision. I am in need of a removal of the deceitfulness of sin to see Truth.

The things I see before me are the things the world eagerly seeks after. The things I see before me are the things the Father knows that I need. The things I see before me are those I am tempted to grab like a teddy bear in my moment of panic. I start piling my hope onto a molehill, mistaking its strength for a mountain's. Sin lies, and I often believe those lies. I need to know Truth--but I also need to believe it.

Do not worry then, saying, ‘What will we eat?’ or ‘What will we drink?’ or ‘What will we wear for clothing?’ For the Gentiles eagerly seek all these things; for your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.-Matt. 6:31-33

"As a Christian, my brand of perfectionism can be a little more subtle because it sometimes disguises itself in pious clothing. But even when perfectionism seems to be aimed at godly living, it is prideful because it expects from ourselves now what only God has promised to accomplish in the future. Perfectionism disregards God’s promise to make us who we ought to be by attempting in our own strength to meet the goal of that promise in the present, and by positioning ourselves as the final judges of our performance."

-Winston Hottman

I think there's a difference between a love of learning and a lust for knowledge. There's a kind of greediness that I sense if I do not watch myself when reading. I need to ask, when I get sucked into the black hole of knowledge--what is worth knowing? 

I need to keep in mind--- 
I can know all things and fail to love, 
I can know all things and miss wisdom,
I can know all things and fail concerning my life's calling,
and I can lose my ability to learn and think without warning--but that does not take away from my worth or identity or how much the Father loves me. 

Knowledge must be put into perspective.

Knowledge must also be applied by the Spirit--how else can it be affected into my life? To have my mind be full and nothing rearranged would be a waste. To chew one's dinner for days and never swallow won't fill one's stomach. 

There's a feeling of comfort in learning through books. The walls are padded there: you may experience regret, disgust, shame, guilt, and exhilaration--but then when you put the book down, you remember the pillow propped behind your back, and the five layers of cotton and polyester swaddled around you. A book may disturb you like a bad dream, but you can always open your eyes and remember you never left your bed.

To live, to experience, to inhabit, to "step outside"--that is what is truly terrifying.

"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step onto the road, and if you don't keep your feet, there's no knowing where you might be swept off to."-JRR Tolkien

But, of course, it is not only terrifying--it is also a lot of hard work. Sometimes it is hard because it is strenuous, and requires sacrifice and setting up boundaries for yourself that deny yourself pleasure, and sometimes it is hard because it is entirely mundane. But of course, to view something as "mundane" and to regard it as insignificant because it doesn't appear glamorous or exciting or meaningful--that denies the teaching of the Bible. The seemingly small obediences are seen by God, and we are destined for the return of Jesus. We aren't wandering in circles in the wilderness, we are traveling to the Promised Land.

 O Lord, how my adversaries have increased! 

Many are rising up against me.

Many are saying of my soul,

"There is no deliverance for him in God."

Psalm 3:1-2

     This is the voice of the Accuser, pulling out our deep fear to the surface--that, "perhaps", we do not see the deliverance of God because He is not willing. Because our sin is too great. Because we don't have the "formula" down correctly. Do we not feel our deficiencies clinging to us so closely? Do we not feel that we deserve to be rejected? 

But then, there is our God. He does not accuse us of our sins. He does not excuse us of our sins. He gives us Jesus. 

What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who is against us? He who did not spare His own Son, but delivered Him over for us all, how will He not also with Him freely give us all things? Who will bring a charge against God's elect? God is the one who justifies; who is the one who condemns? Christ Jesus is He who died, yes, rather who was raised, who is at the right hand of God, who also intercedes for us.

Rom. 8:31-34

Without Christ, we would have no deliverance in God. The Father would be the one to pour His wrath and judgement upon us--apart from Jesus, the Father would be our greatest threat. But the very One who would destroy us has made a way to deliver us in the Son, and now no charge can be brought against those of us who are in Him. 

I know I risk being misunderstood. More than a few would point not to the lack of power, but to the abysmal theological immaturity in the Church as the source of its struggle. I can't argue with that. Biblical illiteracy and theological naivete have reached epidemic proportions in the Church today. But more than knowledge if needed. Mere doctrine won't suffice. What the Church needs is truth set aflame by the power of the Holy Spirit. What the Church needs is the divine energy of God Himself bringing what we know to bear on how we live and how we pray and how we love and how we witness. And let's not forget that teaching is itself a spiritual gift, no less a manifestation of the power of the Spirit than tongues or miracles (see Rom. 12:7; 1 Cor. 12:29; Eph 4:11)!

-Sam Storms

...Spiritual gifts are not God bestowing to His people something external to Himself. They are not some tangible "stuff" or substance separable from God. Spiritual gifts are nothing less than God Himself in us, energizing our souls, imparting revelation to our minds, infusing power in our wills and working His soverign and gracious purposes through us. Spiritual gifts must never be viewed deistically, as if a God "out there" has sent some "thing" to us "down here." Spiritual gifts are God present in, and with and through human thoughts, human deeds, human words, human love.

-Sam Storms