I've reached a season of limbo, and my vision is all near-sighted. To be suspended between "this" and "that" and "this other thing" is a hard place to be. To step into the water no more than ankle deep has its own restlessness. I ache to plummet the depths of this body of water, but I don't think that the water will give way beneath me. I think it requires a digging. I think it requires some sweat and toil.

I used to think of myself as a patient person, but now I can see that I do not have the patience of Jesus Christ. I still fall short, no matter how much longer my calm remains in comparison with others. There are things that I desire, but in His silence He says to wait for His reply. To wait for His answer. It feels although I am halfway through doing the splits, and my coach will only tell me to keep holding my feet in place, straddled between two spheres. My thighs tingle and ache, and I am tempted to relieve the tension by shifting my weight. I am tempted to be like Sarai, taking things into my own hands. I am tempted to orchestrate the resolve, the grand finale, the moment when the breath is released from trembling lungs. Surely then, all will be well, all will be right...
But no. I am in need of Kingdom vision. I am in need of a removal of the deceitfulness of sin to see Truth.

The things I see before me are the things the world eagerly seeks after. The things I see before me are the things the Father knows that I need. The things I see before me are those I am tempted to grab like a teddy bear in my moment of panic. I start piling my hope onto a molehill, mistaking its strength for a mountain's. Sin lies, and I often believe those lies. I need to know Truth--but I also need to believe it.

Do not worry then, saying, ‘What will we eat?’ or ‘What will we drink?’ or ‘What will we wear for clothing?’ For the Gentiles eagerly seek all these things; for your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.-Matt. 6:31-33