Shadows
Draped, stretched transparent
out to dry
Behind trunk, stem & stone
Stars
wavering, waltzing
on the iris' balcony arches
glittering through austral, wincing glee
Light
landing, aging
x-ray of veins, leafy marrow and pore
Heat
caressing, muffling
warm as the womb
where the heavens were born

Heavenly Dreams

Is it natural to be restless? Is it normal to feel both a need to be accepted, yet always feel a need to shake the mold you've placed yourself in? Is there such a thing as a dream being "fulfilled"? Is there ever a place in life where you can say, "This is it"? Honestly, I am a little afraid of being and feeling settled. It seems like you've become a little too content in a world that isn't meant to be our home. I have some dreams. But I know they won't be as wonderful as I imagine them to be--at least in the sense of them being "ultimate", where the story reaches an end and the journey's rise and climb has reached it's greatest glory. It believe it's like it says in Hebrews, that we look forward to a heavenly country(Heb. 11:6). Yet even so, I believe it gets better. We look forward to a heavenly King.

For most of my life, I have left the Kingdom of God as highly underrated...Transparently, throughout high school I was afraid of it. If Jesus returned, I wouldn't get to see the world, get married, become a worship leader (like the vision God has given me seemed to suggest), finish college and work some kind of job that may actually be enjoyable(in my mind, a writer and/or a worship leader, once again). I think to some degree that some of this was not bad. After all, I wanted to live the life God's given me, and live out His plan for my life. But the longer I live, the more I see how so many of the fairytales that always lay before me dragging me forward are not really something I can run my fingers through. They're either phantoms or figures with a much humbler appearance than I could tell when started earlier on the road. Although this could lead to depression (apart from Christ), it has led me to have different desires stirred up. Dreams of the hope that will never disappoint(Romans 5:5). It is my belief that all of those stirrings were really for my true destiny and future in Christ.

I'm not suggesting that we should all ditch this world and that there is no purpose, meaning, or joy in this place in the here-and-now, but instead, due to my own fault of looking for a climax in this earth, I am bringing to light the beauty of our future inheritance. I do not understand why we do not celebrate the return of Christ more, why there is not an excitement to return to Christ. He has saved us, He is sanctifying us throughout this life day-by-day, and one day..He will complete the work He's begun, and save us from the presence of sin and the flesh completely. Looking through Exodus, when God was establishing the stipulations for the passover, He told the Israelites to hold a feast of celebration(see Exodus 12), one in which their entire calendar would be arranged around. Just as the Israelites celebrated their salvation from the slavery of Egypt, we celebrate both our redemption from the slavery of sin, death and the devil and the anticipation of our freedom to come. I want to be more excited about these wondrous promises! I want to delight and rejoice in the hope that Jesus has saved me, and that one day He is going to come back for us. A very long time after the Exodus, when Jesus was at the last supper with His disciples, He said something beautiful foretelling that He would come back for His bride again: "I tell you I will not drink again of this fruit of the vine until that day when I drink it new with you in my Father's kingdom.”
(Matthew 26:29 ESV) The sweet salvation story of the gospel hasn't ended yet..Jesus is going to come back. And we will see Him face-to-face. Let's get excited about this hope, this day that will fulfill every dream in the person of Jesus Christ.

Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and the sea was no more. 2 And I saw a the holy city, new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband. 3 And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them, and they will be his people, and God himself will be with them as their God. 4 He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.”--Revelation 21:1-4

Freedom

Without the gospel, your self-image is based upon living up to some standards--whether yours or someone's imposed upon you. If you live up to those standards, you will be confident but not humble. If you don't live up to then, you will be humble but not confident. Only in the gospel can you be both enormously bold and utterly sensitive and humble. For you are both perfect and a sinner!

-Tim Keller, "The Centrality of the Gospel"

Not that We loved Him, but that He loved Us

All those expressions of unworthiness which Christian practice puts into the believer's mouth seem to the outer world like the degraded and insincere grovellings of a sycophant before a tyrant, or at best a facon de parler like the self-depreciation of a Chinese gentleman when he calls himself "this coarse and illiterate person." In reality, however, they express the continually renewed, because continually necessary, attempt to negate that misconception of ourselves and of our relation to God which nature, even while we pray, is always recommending to us. No sooner do we believe that God loves us than there is an impulse to believe that He does so, not because He is Love, but because we are intrinsically lovable.

The Pagans obeyed this impulse unabashed; a good man was "dear to the gods" because he was good. We, being better taught, resort to subterfuge. Far be it from us to think we have virtues for which God could love us.

...Beaten out of this, we next offer our own humility to God's admiration. Surely He'll like that? Or if not that, our clear-sighted and humble recognition that we still lack humility. Thus, depth beneath depth and subtlety within subtlety, there remains some lingering idea of our own, our very own, attractiveness. It is easy to acknowledge, but almost impossible to realize for long, that we are mirrors whose brightness, if we are bright, is wholly derived from the sun that shines upon us. Surely we must have a little--however little--native luminosity?

--C.S. Lewis, "The Four Loves"

Sehnsucht

O with ever passing light
With every arrival of verdant birth
I glimpse
the world of gold

O how little
I have dreamed!
O how little
I have wanted!

I look for the rainbow
and forget
the pot of gold.

Ringing in My Head

Not really a post of things I have written, but a list of verses that have been ringing in my head (and heart)..And also a quote from a book by John Piper, a man that God uses to excite me about the gospel.

I feel like God's sovereignty has been a theme lately that the Holy Spirit has been speaking to me about. I often feel so out of control, wonder at what I must do or what must happen for what I consider ideal..Then God steps in and reminds me that I am His tool--my service is for HIS plans that HE is initiating..He allows me to play a part, YES, buut I take a part in a work He is already doing--I don't really start something new for Him. Futhermore, He has been reminding me that He is the One who provides my every need (this is a broad concept--by need I mean all the "roles" that I feel need to be filled, all the things I feel must happen for me to live "happily ever after" of sorts). Of course I already have "known" of His being my provider in the general sense, but through walking with Him and growing up with Jesus, He begins to show me what that looks like in new ways. It's so simple when you're a child.

Growing up with Jesus is sweet, though, because you begin to see and witness the truth of His promises in fresh, deeper and more personal ways. As I once heard a pastor describe it, it's like how we believe in gravity--we all know it exists because we've been taught about it and have experienced it on a basic level. But we would believe it in a whole new way if we jumped from a skyscraper--then we would know it at a much deeper level. This is what it is like to grow in our faith..

..And now I leave you with what I originally planned to share before I started rambling:



[5] The LORD descended in the cloud and stood with him there, and proclaimed the name of the LORD. [6] The LORD passed before him and proclaimed, “The LORD, the LORD, a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness, [7] keeping steadfast love for thousands, forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin, but who will by no means clear the guilty, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children and the children's children, to the third and the fourth generation.” [8] And Moses quickly bowed his head toward the earth and worshiped.
(Exodus 34:5-8 ESV)

[10] “Be still, and know that I am God.
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth!”
(Psalm 46:10 ESV)

(*Note: God is going to make His Name and Ways known. Yes, we seek to glorify Him, but ultimately He is the One who reveals Himself.)

[9] The heart of man plans his way,
but the LORD establishes his steps.
(Proverbs 16:9 ESV)
(*Note: God is the One who leads us, who brings us into places where He asks us to serve Him.)

When we celebrate the gospel of Christ and the love of God, and when we lift up the gift of salvation, let us do it in such a way that people will see through it to God Himself..May they say, 'Christ is all!' Or, to use the words of the psalmist, 'May those who love your salvation say evermore, 'God is great!'" (Psalm 70:4). Not mainly, "Salvation is great," but "God is great!"

--From John Piper's God is the Gospel, discussing how the point of the gospel is intimacy with our God Himself. Let us not forget that salvation is not about gaining heaven (although that does come along with faith in Jesus), but gaining God Himself!

Thoughts on "Surprised by Grace"

I came across some thoughts this morning that I had scribbled in my journal from a book called "Surprised by Grace". It might sound weird, but reading the old entries encouraged me, so I thought I would share some of these thoughts. The words in italics are from the book.

"Obedience that honors God flows from a heart that loves Him...And yet, although Jonah's obedience was so flawed, God still used him to accomplish His purpose in Nineveh."

Although we should be running from sin and a repentant people, we must not hold back our obedience to God's call because we are afraid of failing. Do we really think that our mistakes are great enough to ruin the plans of the Almighty God? Don't let fear of failure keep you back from what God has clearly called you to..."Believing fully that salvation belongs to the Lord means that you place ultimate trust in Christ's efforts, not your own." God doesn't accept you because you read your Bible, pray and go to church. He accepts you because Jesus took the wrath of God upon Himself, which you accepted when you had faith in Him. Yes, you don't deserve this ministry position. You will never be worthy of it. But God sees Jesus and considers it right. Jesus' blood and life covers you. Jesus is why we are saved, why we are accepted by God, why we can enter into fellowship with Him.

"Submitting self to God is the only real freedom--because the deepest slavery is self-dependence, self-reliance. When you live your life believing everything (family, finances, relationships, career) depends primarily on you, you're enslaved to your strengths and weaknesses. You're trying to be your own savior. Freedom comes when we start trusting in God's abilities and wisdom instead of our own. Real life begins when we transfer our trust from our own efforts to the efforts of Christ."

If your life is dependent on your own abilities, you will only be as strong as man. If your life is dependent upon Christ, however, the possibilities of what you can do through Him is inexhaustible--you are limited to what GOD can do.