For from Him and through Him and to Him are all things.-Romans 11:36

I'm setting out on a conceptual journey of sorts. It isn't really anything new--my mind is constantly a rabbit-trail traveler from the task at hand. I have a large bag full of ideas and truths and observations that  I consistently pull out of my bag, probing deeper and testing to see if new objects will fit alongside of them.  I always ask more questions than I can answer. I always examine a thing to death.

Making discoveries during this process, however, is exhilarating. Finding wisdom and insight is better than striking gold. I'm more curious than a kitten. There are things I know are true, so I set out. There are things I sense are true, so I probe and test and cut into the flesh of the thing. I will never know anything completely, but to gain a new insight is a delight. In my limited wisdom, I lean upon the One who knows all, understands all, created all. From His mouth come wisdom and understanding, and nothing is hidden from His sight. 

In the beginning, God made all things. Man was His last creation, created in His image--both male and female. He brought the woman to the man, and God created the first marriage between them, and told them to "be fruitful" and "multiply". It's the love story most of us know, the details by which we often study to seek to understand what it means to be "male", "female", "married" and "human". But for all that we can learn in the grand entrance, I find myself asking questions about previous teaching on these topics:

 When God said it wasn't "good for Adam to be alone", was He referring exclusively to the necessity of marriage for all men? 

What does it mean to be a woman? What distinguishes her from men, all biological differences aside? 

Can I only express my "femininity" if I am married? 

Is femininity irrelevant if I never do get married?

These questions--among others--have moved me to search deeper to find truth that could change the way I live and the way I relate to others. I have been moved to ask friends questions, to search out the pages of scripture and other books, to pray and journal. This is one of my journeys I am setting out upon right now. I would love to invite you alongside me.

I face the temptation to demonize and/or reject something that's good simply because it has been misused and idolized. I can grow frustrated, banning all cuttery because they have been used as weapons in the past. Yes, expose and reject the long sad history of fork-induced casualties, but do not padlock the utensil drawer. There's no need to switch over to chopsticks.

Basic Principles of Counseling

--"How can  even this situation prove redemptive?"
If I never lose hope in Christ's gracious control and redemptive agenda, I will be able to communicate the same to those I counsel.

--"Most people don't know that their biggest problem is not 'out there' in the world; it's 'in here' in their own heart."
Always move the agenda toward the person sitting in front of me.

--"Love. Know. Speak. Do."
 Counselors care, probe, speak Ephesians 4:15 and 4:29 truth, and help people make concrete changes. Am I covering all the bases? Am I on the right base now?

--"Whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through him to God the Father" (Col. 3:17).
 I am a servant called to be a  faithful and full of faith, not a technician called to fix things.

--"Get to specifics. After all the talking is done, what are you going to do about your watershed issue this week?" 
Change happens in the details, in the step-step-step of your walk. Effective counseling moves towards substantive change.

--"This life, therefore, is not righteousness but growth in righteousness... We are not yet what we shall be, but we are growing toward it."
As this quote from Luther attests, small changes accumulate; a glimpse of final glory.

--"Counseling--no magic, no technique, no sure cure."
Biblical counseling is simply the way of speaking wisely with moral decision-makers who will trust and obey either lies or truth.

---David Powilson, from his book "Speaking Truth in Love"

Faith in the Faithful One

                                 
                 "she considered Him faithful who had promised."-Hebrews 11:11

What a beautiful thing to be said of Sarah. 
What a beautiful legacy for every daughter of God to have.

From beginning to end, our life of faith is one of listening, treasuring and walking in light of the promises of God--considering, even in the foggy light of opposition, that He is more faithful than the rising sun. That the flowers and the grass of this life fade away, but the Word of God remains. That when the Holy Spirit spoke through John to pen that those who would receive and believe on Jesus would become children of God, He meant it. That, if we come to Jesus like the leper asking to be cleansed, and confess our sins, He is willing and able to forgive us of our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. That He came to justify the ungodly, and this is good news, for we are all the ungodly wanderers and rebels, no matter if our resume is dressed in khakis and polos or denim and tattoos. That, as we approach the thinning pages in our decaying bodies, we remember He told us that He is the resurrection and the life, and we remember His question as directed to us---"Do you believe this?". 

He who has promised is faithful. Lord make us into women who remember Your words and live our lives in response to them, trusting that You have done what You said You did, You are doing what You said You are doing, and You will do what You said You will do. In the end, we will worship Jesus and see the stunning beauty of Him and His faithfulness to His Word. 
All glory be given to Him alone.

There is a shrinking of the eyes that I am terrified of, a kind of blindness that comes from glazing over the shocking words of Jesus for the sake of retaining my tempur-pedic life.

You will have to bear with me, dear reader, because I am well aware of my own lack of understanding, my lack of wisdom and experience. But I want to be humble enough to trust that the Lord will lead me in this, and correct me like a child in the ways that I am naive, idealistic, or judgmental. Certainly his correction will come in different forms for the rest of my life.

This fear is real, however. I am open to those who would wish to speak to my thoughts. I know that there are those out there who appear to claim that the true Christian lives "radically", lives in the middle of the rainforest with some obscure tribe, distributing Bibles; lives in India freeing young women from sex trafficking, cuddles little babies in orphanages in a country in Africa that they can't even pronounce. These are amazing stories, amazing testimonies that inspire and encourage us.

Sometimes following Jesus looks like this, yes.

But then there is a backlash against this mindset--those who rise to the defense of the obedience in the mundane, the faithful mothers who stay at home to teach their children addition and subtraction in their living room, the men who leave their loved ones at sunrise and arrive to join them for their last meal of the day before slipping into bed.

Sometimes following Jesus looks like this, yes.

My fear, however, lies in the second example.

It is not that I am afraid of living a "boring life". I have never been a risk taker, I have never left the country or broken a bone in my life. I understand that there is no division between the "sacred" and "secular" areas of work, that Jesus is Lord over both of them. What I fear is not so much the circumstances themselves, as my own temptation in them. I pray and hope that the Lord will create in me a steadfastness in the small things, in the things that the world despises but Jesus calls me to. What I fear is that I will assume that because He has called me to a "normal" kind of life, that I will run away from sharing the gospel as He has called us all to do. I'm afraid that I will become so preoccupied with doing my work well that I will declare that is enough. That I will be satisfied with that, and assume He hasn't called me to more.

As I think about this "out loud", I feel although I probably sound condescending to the women out there who have been faithful in the things that look little but are actually very big. Like I said, I am still wrestling through these things. My thoughts haven't reached a conclusion, my heart is very restless in the struggle to understand. I have great respect for both those who "go out" and those who "stay in". I had one friend recently express to me how she didn't know how to share the gospel in her workplace, and I honestly don't know how to do it either. And as far as being a stay-at-home-mom and reaching out--I feel humbled and kind of guilty to talk about it, thinking about mothers I know and love, especially one who has struggled to transition from vocational ministry to being a mother 99% of the time. This new world to me is so foreign and strange, and I am wiggling out of my cocoon with deep passion for following Jesus as a woman in the workplace without knowing exactly how these passions are to be applied.

I'm afraid I will look no further than the untilled earth before me. I fear that I will drink and forget those who thirst, break my bread and forget those who hunger. I'm afraid that I will let my fingers get soft and   grow an ungodly kind of contentment. Surely Jesus will rise me from this kind of slumber, pull out the mattress from under me and speak His conviction over me in that loving yet commanding way that He does. But still, I fear. I hope this is a good kind of fear, a godly kind of fear that means Jesus is keeping me awake to listen and hear His Spirit's leading in both the spiritual and the literal harvest.

Even if my back is set in a deformed slump, my shoulders taking on a slouch, I know that He sets the crooked straight, I know that He alone can reform my jagged skeletal frame. He doesn't ask me to lift my chin a little higher and walk with a metered gait before I enter His courts. He bids me leave the forest of my hiding, for it is the sick who need a doctor, not the healthy. He will set my bones into place, He will dress me with royal attire.

Therefore, my beloved brethren, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that your toil is not in vain in the Lord.-1 Cor. 15:58

Walking out Jesus' call of discipleship and evangelism does not always look graceful, but it is entirely grace-filled. Last year I prodded along, trying to bridge the gap between 18 and 23, between Kanye West and Andrew Bird, Marilynne Robinson and Stephenie Meyer. I spent time learning not only to be a listener but also to try to direct the conversation towards exposing their need for Jesus. The Holy Spirit was at work, but there was still a lot of that struggle against timidity in my heart. By God's grace I made progress in coming out from behind the curtain, but I still found myself feeling stifled by my own fear or lack of awareness of the situation.

This year, the Lord has been giving me more of a sense of exhilaration. The desire burning within me to love well and for my lips to be filled with the life-giving words of the gospel are beginning to surface and find more expression, and I am giddy with joy. I think that beauty is the transforming work of the Spirit to make us look like Jesus, and it is so exciting to see His fingerprints over our lives doing this as He remakes us.

At one point during my first week on campus, the enemy filled my mind with the question--"Who do you think you are, approaching girls who have probably been approached with the gospel before? Who do you think you are, believing you can actually have an impact upon the salvation of these souls?"
My response is that I don't think anything great of myself. I think great things of Jesus. It is accordance with HIS power to save and transform that I can be bold and hopeful, regardless of how awkward I am and whether or not I see any immediate fruit. I am free to obey imperfectly. When I begin to grow cross-eyed and turn my eyes inward till all you can see are the whites of my eyes, my vision becomes skewed and I cannot walk out His calling upon my life with the growing fullness He desires for me.

But when I turn my gaze upon Jesus, I can keep running. And when I say "Jesus", I don't mean Jesus in the abstract. I mean Jesus as He shows Himself in His word. How can we see Him if we aren't continually coming to the place where He shows us what He is like? How can we know Him if we aren't sitting at His feet and listening to His words? How can our hearts love One our minds don't know? How can we know what a Person is like unless we close our mouths, open our minds and listen?

May we run, freed by His grace, knowing that He will use our small and temporary works for something Eternal.